Until My Arms Ache

Note: Ruby's grandfather, Cantor Shmuel Frankel, Z"L, passed away last week, and I think that contributed to the somewhat melancholy mood of this post.

The week before Ayelet was born, Hadas fell down or bumped into something (I can't remember exactly what happened), and I picked her up and held her while she cried.

The week after Ayelet was born, Hadas fell down or bumped into something (yes, she is a klutz like me), and when I went to pick her up she was suddenly so heavy I could barely lift her.

I don't know how she suddenly got so big in one week! (I mean, I know it is the juxtaposition of holding a newborn and an almost four year old, but I am going for symbolism.) And it struck me how fast these kids grow and how little time I have to hold them in my arms.

Friday night, we stood around the Shabbat table singing Shalom Aleichem, Ruby held Ayelet and Hadas was standing off to the side, a little bit grumpy. I held out my arms to her and she ran over to me, I picked her up and held her in my arms and she put her head down on my shoulder. It is funny, sometimes she is so clingy and touchy and her hands so warm that I just want to shake her off, but that night, in that moment I just didn't want to let her go.

Ayelet also loves to be held and lifted into the air and when you bring back down, she lifts her hands up to be lifted again. It is a silly game, but the look of wonder on her face while she is suspended in the air makes me repeat the movement over and over again until I am exhausted.

I guess any new mother will tell you that raising kids is like the opening of a Charles Dickens' novel,

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way."

My hope is that I will be able to focus on the best of times, and to share the smiles, laughter and silliness that my girls, in their sheer innocence and guilelessness, offer up to me on a daily basis. It is not always possible to keep them shielded from the darkness and winter, but I am determined to hold my girls up and keep them in the light until my arms ache.

I hope you all have a great week, focusing on the small joys in life.


Love, Deb

P.S. Speaking of growing, Ayelet had her first bites of food this past week. Some sweet potato, semolina porridge and a little applesauce. She still won't take formula, but we are working on it.

P.P.S. Mazal Tov to Ilana, Mike and Ezra on the addition of Marcus Benjamin Sereny to their family.